Monday, October 02, 2006

The onset of madness

Last night when I was sleeping I was someone else. And this morning I realised I'm not sure how long I've been me, or whether I've always been me, or if that was who I really am when I'm asleep. Tough thoughts first thing on Monday morning.

The fact is, this morning when I woke it took a few minutes, or many seconds for me to remember who I am, of course morning radio blows the cobwebs out and while it's the strangest sensation, of being someone else and then being yourself, but not recognising yourself, well you get on with it really.

Still I'm not sure if this dream just randomly occurred, or if a conversation I had earlier this week precepitated it.

Apparently, I was informed by a reliable source that people often have accidents after which family and friends report their personality have altered dramatically.

They may have been a wild child, who suddenly becomes studious and introspective, or a really serious individual becomes a prankster.

Take people who have experienced life threatening diseases - a friend of mine who sadly passed away a few years ago, told me that prior to his first bout of cancer (I met him between this and his last), he had a high powered sales job, and the impression he gave me was that he had been quite the stress head until he faced his disease. When I met him, he was like a rock of calm in an ocean of malcontent, and he certainly took much anguish out of my early twenty angst with his reassuring presence.

Either it's just a one off dream, or I'm slowly turning insane.

The other thing about this dream where I was someone else, was it reminded me of times when I was in primary school and when I woke from a deep sleep, I would panic that today was the first time I had been this person, and for all I knew, that after sleep that night, my memory of being who I was today would erode, and that it was all a futile waste of time.

Since I've grown up a little, I don't tend to indulge in such navel gazing philosophical questions, and yet, if your subconscious is forcing you to confront the nature of your reality and the frailty of your personality, there isn't much escaping the nausea.

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