Thursday, July 20, 2006


From time to time a person's name or something they said will flit into your mind.

It was years ago, and you sometimes can't even remember why you lost touch or when it happened.

Sometimes I think 'maybe I'm possessed with psychic powers, and am going to bump into them'

Or: 'are they thinking about me right now?'

Or: 'I hope they are ok'

Or: 'who cares'.

I never ring them or anything like that.

But one friend of mine does. I know this as she contacts me every few years.

It's strange really, I haven't seen her since we were sixteen. She was my exchange student. Lovely time we had too.

I don't mind or anything. In fact, it's kind of cool that she bothers to ring me at all.

The reson I think it's strange is that there are about ten other people who were really good mates of mine at different points since I was sixteen, and they've vanished into the mists, to stay forever, hanging in suspended animation, in my memory.

Take J - she's always there, age sixteen. She's so cool, and beautiful. We were best buds as kids, but we didn't know how to talk to each other as teenagers. Pity.

Or PP - forever a sarcastic, caustic twenty. She didn't like my college friends I think. We were in touch on and off until the day before my twenty-first, when she insisted we go to town. She went over the top and bought me a lovely present and then rang on the day of my party to say she was sorry she couldn't make it. Never heard from her again.

A is waving goodbye after dropping me home from a weekend away. I must have said something, or maybe she did. Who knows, we never got in touch again.

S had her own issues, I could have listened more, but was too self absorbed.

There are many more of them, crowding my memories, people who were so important at different times in my life. We shared secrets, laughed at things we saw and people that said things stupidly. We talked earnestly about saving the world, or just whales and dolphins, and whatever boy we fancied, or whatever music spoke to us at the time.

And then there are the friends I have now. I'm sure I'll lose touch with many of them too, they'll become distant fond memories.

At the end of a life, how many must there be. Is that what they mean when they say you see your life flash before you. In that second before nothing, all those people's images flickering in front of your eyes.

It's so simple though when someone just fades from your life. It's much easier than when they're gone forever.

You know, if it wasn't for those long distance phone calls from that friend of mine who always rings me, I don't think I'd even get nostalgic for some of those people.

I don't understand how and why people let friends fade or disappear from their lives. I've done my utmost to keep in touch with everyone I liked.

Nothing is sadder than thinking of the people you knew and who just disappeared in time's stream.
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