Sunday, November 06, 2005

Here comes the fear

A few years ago I think I took a growth spurt and then more recently the same happened in reverse.

In other words, some of my friends seem to have growed up faster than me over the past year.

Last night I went to a dinner party which was really nice and relaxed and interesting. The buzz was chilled and the conversation was comfortable yet thought provoking and included a decent amount of giggling, the prerequisite for a good dinner party.

Yet, on my way to said dinner party, I suffered from a blinding sense of deja vu which brought me back to the dinner parties we used to have with A&M, a couple we were really good mates with about six years ago.

Now, I have gone to and hosted a good few dinner parties since we all lost touch, yet, there has been a break of about four months since the last one.

What was it about last night that reminded me of those ones years ago? Was it the fact that our friends have just bought a house and are at that cusp of settling down? All those years ago, when we would get blindingly stocious in the wee hours with A&M, and when we used to go away on drunken coupley weekends, it seemed as though the four of us were in this bubble of adulthood, which our other friends were terrified of.

It just seemed so normal to us, to settle down and worry about bills, our careers and cars. Over the past two years all those grown-up things I really enjoyed have become pretty meaningless to me, and I've moved into some other phase - sure I work and all that, but I get more of a kick out of my hobbies - doing my radio show, travelling and visiting mates abroad, doing the classes and meeting new people...

I almost don't like to say it, but I think back then as couples we might have been nesting. It was purely subconcious, all that setting up home and playing house. Now I suppose looking back on it, maybe we lost touch with A&M because we just were playing where as it was reality for them.

It's hard losing touch with nice people who you had great times with. I might have been a bit worried yesterday before our dinner party that it would happen to us again. And it was strange when my friend asked, 'but who did you talk to when you bought your house, I mean we've got loads of people to ask about it, but you were pretty much the first of all of us to do it'.

We had a lovely time, and I'm sure the deja vu was misplaced, but I just get this sneaky sensation that there are ghosts of friendships past lurking in the shadows.

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