Thursday, September 01, 2005

Raef I.

'I'm getting a bit, you know, not sure about it'

I say over the phone to London where they are eating cake and I wish I was there, but I'm here and I miss the ducklings.

She's listening carefully.

'Nah, you'll be fine. Everyone's doing things - you know you won't regret it, I mean the thing is, you can type you can collect glasses, make coffee, do whatever to survive, you'll be fine, it's totally the right thing to do'

She means it.

I miss her.

Thing is. I fear.

I'm going to leave everything and go and do everything. Something, anything.

Anything would be better than this. Each morning the lady on the desk says

'Aw, good morning love, great to see you'

And I say

'Hiya Ann, how are you'

She then responds 'Another day so'

And I may add 'only 4/3/2/1 days to the weekend'.

Unless its Monday. Then I say 'Have a good weekend?'

Today I was having a chat, coffee and smoke with my work friend in the secret hidden garden off Abbey Street and Ann walked by, which she never does, I only see her at her desk normally.

'Lovely isn't it. Nice spot you got there'

I smiled, 'yeah, we got the sun-trap here. Pity there are no ducklings in the pond though'

And she stopped. 'Did you not hear? The magpies got them. Yeah, they swooped down and killed them'.

The tears were forming in my eyes. I swear it - sadness and abject shock (this is not how our typical dialogue goes).

Time stops when you get bad news.

You reflect.

Maybe it is the magpies I'm scared of. Like the ducklings, I'm here in my safety zone, going in to work, swimming in a pond. Its all the same really I suppose. Shitty thing is, the magpies will get me if I stay, just don't know if I'm big enough to fly yet.

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