Tuesday, December 21, 2004

Christmas Tidings

Thank figs I'm finished work on Wednesday for Christmas. I had another interview today, and due to my general lack of self-confidence (as a consequence of the mess that is my workplace at present) I gave them all a right giggle for a half an hour. Ridiculous. I've got another one tomorrow (more important), and I'm really hoping that it will be a case of third one lucky. Two more interviews lined up in January - AAAAGH!

The hilarious thing is that I'm not sure what I want to be anymore. Sure, I've really enjoyed this PR stuff for the last two years, even if those mates of mine who are journalists do tend to turn their noses up slightly when we talk about work. I don't mind, I've really enjoyed the way it is constantly a challenge and is as difficult and time consuming as sin trying to wriggle out of awkward corners.

Being a chef appeals, but when I looked into it, I realised that I'll have to make financial sacrifices that aren't really possible with the mortgage and everything, so that is going to be delayed as a realistic choice for the moment.

For years I thought the writing was the goal, yet when I gave myself a bit of space and time at it, I wasn't able to achieve all that I thought I would - and realised that I love reading more. It's so strange, when you have loads of commitments, it gets into your head that without those constraints you could be more creative and free. Yet when it comes to it, in my case anyway, the voice I write with wasn't able to sustain past a short story without becoming shrill and dull.

To be honest I am less upset about it than I would have thought. Maybe it is the realisation that someday it might be right, just not today. Oops, I've got to go, just been summonsed to bed!

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